I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
