Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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