Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
