I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
