i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize