i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
