eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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