dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
