She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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