i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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