I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I wear drunk well.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
