Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
pray to the hookup gods
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
