based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
