y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
