Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
