Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
