she smelled like a LAN party
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
