Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
