apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize