Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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