I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
