He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
