smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
