you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
