i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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