You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
