She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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