Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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