Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
