I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
