i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
