Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
