whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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