once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I love having hate sex.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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