I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
