How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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