I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
