ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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