don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
