so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
