Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
