it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
