physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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