the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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