He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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