he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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