I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
