i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
