it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
