so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
