you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
