we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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