Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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