Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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