Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
