I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This beer is not sobering me up at all
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
