Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
