Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
