someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
