Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
