is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Randomize
