I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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