If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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