Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
