Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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