It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Congratulations! We have a period
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
