I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize