Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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