Sponge bath it is.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Randomize
